夏天的风

Writing the personal statement requires excessive soul-searching and introspection. Compared to it, GRE, TOEFL, or GPA is just a piece of cake, not worth mentioning as all they need is exercises.

Writing personal statement like stripping off all your clothes and examine yourself in details. Isn't that just ironic that writing about your own self can be this difficult? Well, it's a good chance to examine the past four years and look forward.

Here are some questions from UCB career center which I dwell upon for quite a while:

Why do you want to go to graduate school?

• Do you want to enter a profession that requires an advanced degree? (Have you researched career opportunities available to undergraduates?)
• Do you want a higher salary? (Will a graduate degree really affect your salary?)
• Are you stalling on making a career decision? (Have you talked to a career counselor?)
• Are you applying to graduate school because "everyone else is doing it?" (The decision to attend graduate school is ideally based on your own criteria, including how graduate education will fit in with your goals).
• Are you applying to graduate school because you feel like you have no career options? (Have you used all job search methods? Have you talked to a career counselor?)
• Are you delaying entry into the work world? (Have you conducted career research or talked with a career counselor?)
• Do you know what your short and long term goals are and how a graduate degree can help you achieve them?

Do you really want to be a graduate student?

• Are you willing to invest the time, energy, and money associated with going to graduate school? Have you thoroughly investigated these costs?
• Are you prepared to spend the majority of the next 2-7 years studying while living in near poverty?
• Can a single topic or narrow range of topics sustain your interest for the next 2-7 years?
• Do you need a break from school?
• Will career-related work experience help you get into graduate school?
• Are you comfortable initiating and carrying out independent research?

包包，
      这是给你迟到的生日信，这是我们的老习惯，

也许是眉头紧锁，强装的微笑并没有骗过Prof Allen Cheung 的眼睛，他还是很那么的关怀之至。临走的时候还不忘送我一个小礼物说：

Donna, stay happy. You will be great.

临近毕业，困惑真多。

安静地观察的同时，也开始感叹着自己的锐利与迟钝。

p.s.

1）只申请了五所学校，don't overestimate nor underestimate yourself.

2）Peter Yu 说天掉下来当被盖。是啊，兵来将挡。申请不到的话，就找工作？或者去英国？。。。

3）一个晚上将所有recommendation request 都发出去。谁知道，Michael Rape在10分钟内就将所有的表格填完了。真让人感动。原来的我的推荐信他早已经写好了。优秀的人自有他成功之处。

4）爱情真让人不知所措，到底要怎样呢？

5）理学院的70周年晚宴，大开眼界。

6) Met a new girl called Hattie.

Donna's comment:

hng, enough complaint. Let's have some energy and passion~ yeah

今天是农历的生日，想家，非也的来信更将我牵回了花季雨季

来自豆子的祝福：

亲爱的芳祝生日快乐,23年前的今天,我们为你的到来欢呼雀跃,

今天我们更为你的成长感到无比的开心,注意身体,祝安康幸福!是你妈教我这样写的

来自非也的祝福：

在离你的生日还差一个小时之际，我要提前，而且第一个对你说： 生日快乐！！^^
好久都没有你的消息，不知道你现在怎么样。

如此被命运嘲弄着

在你放手的时候

才开始懂得

你的爱

是那么安静深沉

让我不知所措

你的思念

让我心痛

10:07am @ Canadian Restaurant, west point, Hong Kong
 
an old lady. 90. hale, rubicund, steady. she invited herself to sit oppostite to me.
 
she talks about her abject marriage, got married at 17 and turned into a widow with a son at 18.
she continued to elaborate the difficulties she encountered in her later life....
yeah, perhaps that's why she needs to enjoy a good breakfast right now.
 
i suddenly doubt that i was so absorbed into the GRE world that I ignore the whole wonderful world. how egocentric and narrowminded is that~
 
is there anything else i can complain?
i enjoyed this wonderful breakfast 20 hkd/breakfast, everyday.
friends all over the world.
fall into love with anyone i want without worrying about any social pressure.
I am so blessed~Thanks so much though I am not sure who I am thanking for, maybe all~
 
yeah, all i did is just order her an breakfast, she already felt extremely grateful~
 
Donna, you shall take some time to reflect on your own life.
concerning the GRE, I was too low self confidence which encumber my life.
it cause my insomia, inability to handle anything else. but we should clearly realized that we are more than that,
if not, live up to it, you need to grow up and it's a golden chance. if you can't avoid it then face it bravely like a hero.
 
consider Jade, how juridicious and foresighted is Her. so we can know, plan in advance, and make informed choice.
there is always another way around.

我到底是谁？

这段日子，像是变了个人似的，说着言不由衷的废话和恶言恶语，四处游荡浪费时间。倒也看“清楚”了一些人，一些事，不再那么骄傲，

还是做一个Sincere but not tackless person!make sensible but clement decision.

静静地看书，结交良师益友，humbleness, integrity and sage--修身养性

世界的中心不是地球，更不是自己，关心个人发展的同时，也要关爱身边的人，爱护这个世界。

yes! that's it.

literally and metaphorically

回到香港的心情与天气交相呼应：潮湿闷热，不是阴沉，还是阴沉。

什么时候才能明亮起来，痛快地干爽？

太多的事情需要到答案，太多的人需要承诺，太多的东西需要那份不知要去哪里寻找的信心。

太多misunderstanding让我沉默，有的时候，是别人用他们的滤镜来打量你，让你觉得冤的慌。

有的时候，是你发现离开一年后，那个人已经不那个人，不知道一开始就已经不是，还是人变了，也许是我变了。Harry说伯克利让人变得善良。我想说我原本就很善良，伯克利让我做更好的自己，感觉无比的自在幸福，不能给出幸福的定义，却知道它不仅仅是开心，也不仅仅是快乐，还有欣赏，还有希望。忽然间，伯克利夏天的凉意在回忆变得好温暖，那些事儿，那些人

港大没有什么变化，不过开心公园的那棵让人仰望的大树已经不在了，

走在校园里，热闹得很，却孤独得让人窒息，

太多的时候我也不知道要怎么样，或者不要怎么样。  

前所未有的累。已经不记得开怀大笑是什么样子了。

算了。安心，静静地好好读两个月的书，然后去欧洲，南美洲走一趟吧。

很味道的一部电影

唉！

唉！

唉。。。。。。。

Hey Donna,

Your absence weighs quite heavily on me lately, which prompted me to do a detailed analysis of your role in my life. Results show that your role is huge, unique, and cannot be easily replaced. But it's nothing serious because it concerns only me, and the skill I make a living with is solving impossibly difficult problems.

Firstly, we both come from a unique bi-cultural background. We are two of those few individuals who are completely at home with Chinese culture, while still possessing a penchant for and a mastery of western culture. You are one of those few people with whom I don't have to suppress part of my cultural identity in order to achieve peer recognition. While with you, I can be whomever I like to be, in whatever ways I like.

Secondly, we are both engaged in the scientific industry while still maintaining a keen interest in other aspects of civilization. We understand well the challenges of each other's work, and yet we share may other interests in humanities and the social sciences as well. With you I don't have to stick to any single topic; with you I can speak of any issue that comes to mind and be rewarded with insightful opinion and scintillating conversation.

Finally and most importantly, your personality is a fascinating complement of mine. Your rational optimism is torch in the darkness of my rational pessimism. Half the world are optimists but no other passes their bright views on to me. Your  mastery of sarcasm and subtle irony is a bright contrast with my black humor and hyperbolic nonsense. It is as if you are my left-handed twin sister: we are capable of achieving the same feats, but in completely different styles.

These said, I cannot help but ponder on the infinitesimally small likelihood that two individuals such as we are cross paths in life. Or perhaps I am mistaken with my calculations? Perhaps it's because I know so few people well enough? You've known many more; have you seen some one else like this?

only can tears be left~

For all the people who have touched my life, I will spend my whole life to be a good man.

时间宝贵，为了我的梦想，加油

我要远离blog等一切闲杂事务，多做事，多思考，少废话

Donna ate out with friends so much recently that she accidentally gained a lot of weight...errrrrrrrrrrrrr.....keep fit time!!!!!!

Adam has got two new and nice sweaters~ He's been staring at the microscope for a century....

Katie started to call everything Donna does "Donna's style"~ Katie just likes joking around. 

Both Ling and Katie taught Donna how to do western blotting in their own secretly unique way------they said Herman (Donna's supervisor) had to buy them fancy lunch-----haha, actually it was Donna who told them about that. 

Ling taught Donna a lot.recently~ magic hands and great mind.

Linyan is still as tender as usual while keeps saying a lot of sweet words to Donna.But Donna could tell that Linyan is in stress. Our poor little girl

Shannon brings healthy and delicious food to the lab every day, which makes Donna very jealous. And Shannon is catching up very quickly. Welcome to 516

Xining is very caring and encouraging. she is watching over Donna like a little sister.

As for Micha, he is being tortured by submitting paper these days...bless him~haha, Donna guesses he probably will not need her blessings as he is as tough and strong as Hela-Micha cell-line he developed........haha~ well, he chatted with Donna for quite a long time about her future this afternoon. Donna appreciated it a lot~~~~~~

As for Herman~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~he is being missed by every body~~~~~~pls come back a.s.a.p.~ haha
have a wonderful weekend~~~~~~~~~~~~and safe & relaxing trip back. A flower has been ready for him......kidding

p.s. Donna cleaned the -80 fridge today, which is not the point. the point is that the fridge kept on buzzing after She cleaned it so that everybody on the 5th floor in Barker hall came by and showed their concernsssssssssssssssss............including Jeremy's black humor...

p.p.s. we missed Eun Joo.....

p.p.p.s. Berkeley is really really cold. no wonder Donna sighed the coldest winter is Berkeley's summer.

为什么呢？

为什么我们会阅读？为什么会gossip？为什么会旅行？为什么会思考为什么呢？

是因为寂寞？空虚？还是因为“灵魂独处”时的不自在？

what if we doing nothing at all？Inner peace。。。inner peace。。。

还记得刚来伯克利的时候，曾经感叹过：最冷的冬天是伯克利的夏天。

最近偶然得知，十二年前也有人有过类似的感叹：最冷的冬季是旧金山的夏季。这只不过是一本再平凡不过的网络小说，一个写在旧金山的留学生的爱情故事。玲姐姐说，我神似里面的关璐。

也许吧，可是谁又是我的程浩明呢？不过，这个问题已经没有意义了。

因为，我已经不幸地老去。关璐的爱情故事，也许六年前吧。现在，只剩下那句无意间关于天气的感叹成了我们之间唯一的共同点。

well, it's different.

The situation is different. I don't need a Ph. D. degree to get me to USA.I can apply for med school, I can apply a position in the US corporation or in the US sector of a multinational business(basically all kinds of jobs you can think of), or I can just marry a man or a lady who has a green card or a US citizenship.

And I don't even "need" or "dying for" living in USA. Europe, Hong Kong or other place also sounds good for me. And no matter which continent or which country or which city you are living in, the social circle or the number of people you are in contact with is very limited. You are always living in your own tiny zone. so forget about the concept of country or continent, just focus on finding a micronenvironment that's just great for your own.

Personal difference. I am never in a group. So don't try to stereotype me. I am unique just as everybody else in the world. I have my own concern to worry about(spacial, temporal and personal variations), my own interests to take, my own values to emphasize on or treasure, my own circle of friends or enermies to grow up with, and social climate I feel comfortable with or I appreciate. 

Even though I decided to go to Grad school, which program, where, and when  I shall go for it? How about the specific lab you would work for 4-6years? How about after that?

-------to be continued

天边泛起一片云彩，

心里忐忑不安，

是要和伯克利说再见的时候了。

只是什么时候才能再见呢。

那些浪漫的事，那些可爱的人哪

那些欢笑，那些眼泪

也许，这份沉重的感情不是我所能承受的。

请告诉我

要怎麽收拾那凌乱的心情？

我轻轻地走在Euclid上，

静静地听着那悠扬的钟声从Campenelle飘来。

眼睛里竟然就留下眼泪。

似乎明白了，

为什么那时候的Jade走得那么的悄悄然。

是啊

也终于感受到了那份无奈的洒脱

"轻轻地我走了，不带走天边的一片云彩"

会不会其实人生一点也不玄妙不激情不值得仔细思考。

喜欢一个人喜欢到喜欢不动了，物极必反的悲剧。感情在传输中有严重的能量损耗。从a至b的感情也许至深至沉，b接收到的分量也许会大打折扣。有一天能量会耗尽。再也喜欢不动。于是换个人试试。Mr.Next要找永远都会有，一个个试总会有一个和自己的感情输送方式compatible。只是这样的枚举法太繁杂，大多数人不愿意去尝试。于是就心甘情愿地end up with Mr.Current.

感情的事情是这样，其他世间种种也应如此。如果知道用枚举法在足够长的人生总是能够达到目标，患得患失就显得短视。现在有的一切都是你根据初始状态所做的决定带来的。其实运气这个东西，只是loser安慰自己的话。

所以其实无论面对什么，除了生老病死之外的事情，都应该可以以一种完全平和的心态去看待。这扇门被关上了，另一扇门自然会打开。真的，只要去尝试就够了，结果这个东西既然无法100%决定在自己手里，那么多的思考都是没有意义的。男仔说，是的，并不难过，这只是让我证明我还有那样去做的能力。

话说回来。如果人生就那么回事儿了，那跟谁过，怎么过，过多久，又有什么区别呢？感情寄托在另外一个人身上，似乎不如就放在自己身上。

你们去忙吧，btw，i am fine。一切都还不太糟，只是有点烦。也许需要的只是努力学习，努力工作，努力的和朋友们“见识缤纷的世界”，健康幸福的生活，

也许在人事方面，我永远都不会明白。机关算尽太聪明，反算了卿卿性命。不想，也不愿意去听，去说是非，也不想知道谁对谁错，随便吧，就简简单单的生活，就像某人说的 If you are going to kick my ass, I will kiss you in the face.

某人的直白还是让我吃惊了一番。现在想想，男女之间是不是没有友情？只有flirting，or passionate love?well，随缘吧

4：26am 该睡了，To 被我“搔扰”的，谢谢

转自Leo（我将里面的广东话方言翻译成普通话，并修改了一些措辞）

最近在 facebook 上看到一篇谈恋爱之道的文章，

內容大体是说如果太在乎另一半，對他太好，或者将他放在心里面的第一位诸如此类都会对两人之间的恋爱关系有负面的影响。

笔者提倡将爱侣放在第二或者第三位，而不是第一位，相处的时候，一切随缘，不要过于执着，当没有机会在一起的时候就自私一点，只需要为自己的目标奋斗。

从某个角度看，其实我并不同意笔者的解决之道。要知道“太在乎=有害”的真正原因，其实并不是“在乎”本身，而是“盲目”地对自己的另一半“好”。这种“好”，泛指整体社会大众对“好”的理解，即嘘寒问暖，赞美，送礼物等诸如此类的外在行为。

to be continued

又聊起某人了.

Donna:嗯,他总能surprise我

詹姆士:比如说

Donna:我以为他很怕被人粘着...(被詹姆士打断)

詹姆士:谁不喜欢被人粘着?(潜台词:傻瓜)

Donna:........

Well, it's time for something serious

Meeting Michael, Aowen,Marcus taught me a lesson: I could have applied Berkeley if I had known it before.

This time, whether going to graduate school or Medical school or else, I should make best use of my being here in Berkeley and do my homework before I made my decision.

Working in Michael's lab definitely provides an advantage as you can live as and with graduate students in the most prestigous research spot. And actually it does. Graduate students and postdocs with various backgrounds surround you, guide you and share their opinions. Linyan Jin, Ling Song, Adam Williamson, James, Kate, Hermann, Michael,Anting, Zhaoqian etc. And  you also got a chance to meet people who persue non-academic career. 

Reading also helps a lot. New York Times, Economists,etc. In a word, knowing what's out there and who you are from all kinds of approaches before making  the decision. Well, I guess I can never justify this but I just believe in this thumb of rule intuitively or heuristically: more information will give better judgement.

Adam, you got a point.

hng,thanks for caring and enlightening me. wish i got a brother like you.

Today is filled with mistakes. sigh. but that's the way we grew. dear Lingyan and Ling, you are so smart to know where I am and so considerate to cheer me up. I am blessed.

guess I shall abandon internet for a while. time to fight, time to live in the real world.haha

Mike's initiation

Anting's modification and insight

and I am in.

It's gonna to be a good idea

阳光灿烂，抬头的瞬间，只见詹姆士同学从窗前飘过。哈哈，看来某人度完蜜月回到美利坚了。

也不知道从什么时候开始，跟他和贼在一起的感觉很像家人一样地幸福。亲切，信任，无拘无束，很傻地撒娇打闹。小贼，詹姆士说他想你了。你记挂的樱桃树已经挂满了红当当的车厘子。我们又在J&D的小屋里为你拍了一段小小的MV。

我们聊到了可爱的H同学。嗯，詹姆士说，我是当局者迷。赫赫，是吧。

不过，被人认真夸奖的感觉还是很好的。加油！All of us

Me generation?

everything is centered around me. facebook, my space.com, MSN,twitter...

generation of recession?

generation of uncertainty?

generation being pushed to be strong?

the commencement of class of 2009 is really the beginning of lesson of the real world 101.

晨练回家，走在林荫小道上，抬头的瞬间，不禁愣得像只呆鸡伫立在那里，迎面走来的就是她吗？

Professor Marian Diamond！！！！！！哇，我的超级偶像~~~ 一阵酥软。。。怎么办？她会注意到我吗？我要说点什么呢？还是做点什么？

直到她面带微笑的对我说：Morning。 我才反应过来，笑说： Morning~

原来。。。。。。

从老妈子的小道消息得知，可爱的外婆同学听说我要六月份回国，赶忙从老家提了一箱土鸡蛋。哎，我只好感动的甜蜜的笑容挂在嘴边一个晚上